Dreams
by Correlian76
Summary: Set directly after the end of ESB, Leia struggles to deal with the loss of Han. A visit from Luke brings some comfort and new insight into their own relationship.


Leia Organa awoke with a start, her hand clutching the front of her vest.  
She was sweating though the room aboard the medical frigate was cool and still.  
the light from the floor strips was a soothing blue, not the searing orange of her nightmare.  
The same nightmare she had been having every night since the Falcon had set out to search for Han.

Every time it was the same, Han placating Chewie, looking down at her with as much re-assurance as he could muster but desperation too. Underneath he must have been terrified.  
The fast kiss, imbued with all the promise of the love they were only starting to reveal to one another and then being wrenched apart and holding each other's gaze, right until the end, until the steam and sparks consumed him.  
And that was when she awoke every time and faced again a reality devoid of him and his smile, his sardonic quips, his strength that bolstered her own.

Fighting back the tears, she got up and shuffled to the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror.  
She looked pale and exhausted. In her position she could not be afforded any compassionate leave, the attack on Hoth if not for General Rieeken's foresight, would have cost them dearly. They needed to regroup, re-organise, get back the initiative.  
She stared at herself in the mirror and tried to adopt her well known regal expression, the one that inspired her loyal generals that gave all around her the strength of her perceived clarity and certainty. We shall overcome.  
She closed her eyes and waited for his large warm hands to hold her shoulders and pull her back gently to lean against her chest.  
the notion was so blissful, she opened her eyes, expecting to see him looking over her head, cocky grin in place.  
But no, and she stumbled back a step as there was no-one there to support her.

The last time she had felt like this, she had lost Alderaan, her family, her friends, as close a loss as she had ever experienced up until that time. This was different, it wasn't a shared loss (though Luke might have disagreed), this was hers to bear alone and it was cruel in its intensity. if Han had died it would have hurt even more but it would have been an absolute that in time she may have become reconciled to.

But he was alive somewhere. Was he in pain? Was he awake with the cold metal pressing down upon him?  
Without knowing why she tried reaching out to him with her mind, trying to find him, re-assure him, tell him she loved him and would never give up on him.

She thought back to all their spats, all the times she had thought he was missing the point but perhaps all along he had been reaching out to her, trying to tell her in his own clumsy fashion, that, to him, she was the point and that he only cared what happened to her. No-one had ever expressed that to her before.

Back on Hoth, she was so caught up in the evacuation, she didn't register he had come back to make sure she was OK. he had taken her arm and started to move her away from danger, that look in his eye, that worried, intense gaze of his that she could never hold without involuntarily blushing. She smiled at the memory. She didn't even have a holograph of him. Her snow suit had been cleaned so even his smell was gone.

Suddenly she wanted to run to the Falcon and pour over his things, breathe him in, surround herself with the baubles of his transient lifestyle, somehow conjure his presence out of his meagre material possessions.

The door chimed. A visitor? Now?  
Wearily she walked over to the entrance and opened the door.  
Luke, his sandy hair tousled, looking boyishly sleepy, smiled briefly beofre registering the emotions at play on Leia's face.  
"Hi, I know it's early but, I had a feeling you'd be up. Can I make you a caffe?"

She smiled inspite of her self, Luke could always do that, always find a way past her defences, with him she felt strangely at home but it wasn't love like she felt for Han and yet it was just as precious to her, especially now.

"That sounds good"  
Luke moved past her and toward the small galley adjoining her quarters.  
"Trouble sleeping?"

Leia just nodded and moved toward the viewport next to a small table with 2 chairs. She sat down heavily.  
"You too?" she asked as he brought the steaming mugs and welcome aroma over to the table. The mug in his right hand camedown with a thump on the table, a look of consternation clouded Luke's face for an instant:  
"Sorry" he said flexing his new hand,"It's taking a little getting used to" Luke smiled but avoided her making eye contact. He said:  
"So much has changed recently, so much" he paused " I didn't see coming"

Sudenly Leia felt bad for dwelling only on her grief, whatever Luke had gone through, it had shaken him to his core, she could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice.  
taking his prosthetic hand in hers, she offered "Do you want to talk about it?  
Luke glanced at their hands together,  
"Do you?"  
She looked away, stood up and moved back to the viewport.  
"Leia, you don't have to explain anything to me, about Han I mean"  
She looked back at him, her face unreadable.

"I'm not as naieve as you two think, you know, I could tell"  
She winced "I was...afraid"  
"To tell me?" said Luke with surprise

"No" she smiled walked over and ruffled his hair "To let anyone in, to admit I could need anyone and" she shook her head, "he never made it easy, he didn't understand my responsibilities, to the alliance"

Luke smiled "He knew, of course he knew but he didn't care about causes, Han cared about people, though he'd never admit it and you're the only person I've seen who could really fluster him. He knew you didn't fall for the act"  
She smiled, her eyes shining with emotion "Luke,... I"  
"Hey, it's OK, we'll get him back" Luke gathered her in his arms and held her as her body gently shook.  
"I love him" she whispered into his chest "I know" Luke whispered back.

With that she broke away from his embrace, staring wide eyed at him.  
"What is it?"  
"Nothing..it's just...never mind"  
Luke looked at her, concern and compassion on his face.  
"Look Leia, I haven't had a chance to thank you"  
"For what?"  
"For coming back for me"  
"Oh, well, that's OK, I can't explain it but it was like I could hear you, in my head"  
"I know, something made me reach out to you, somehow I knew you would hear me"  
"But how?"  
"The Force but I didn't know I could do it until I needed to," he looked down at his hand,"I have so much still to learn"  
Leia came back to his arms.  
"Sorry, I'm a mess at the moment, thanks for this"  
For what?"  
"For this, being here, not off somewhere on your own, I worry about you and things feel right when you're here, you've always made me feel that way"

They looked at each other, suddenly peaceful and still.  
"I feel the same, I've never been able to account for it. For a while I thought..." he looked down blushing.  
Leia smiled "I know, me too but that's not us, it's different, yet just as strong"  
Luke kissed her on the forehead tenderly.  
"Try and get some more rest huh?"  
"I have some reports I need to work on for Crix"  
"Which will be better served with a more rested mind, I'm sure"  
She smiled to hear the maturity in his voice and nodded wearily. Suddenly he looked older than his years.  
"Call me if you need me, OK?"  
"I will and Luke?"  
He looked back at her "You know you can tell me anything, right? I know there's something you're not telling me"  
Luke smiled sadly at her "It's OK, I promise, I will tell you, some day"

He turned and left. She was alone again. With the phantoms and memories.  
She looked at the galley doorway, she could see him there, his arms crossed over his chest, looking ruefully at the door with a look as if to say "What the hell was all that about?" She stepped toward him with a small smile on her lips, ready to tease him for being jealous, then pushing a stray lock of his hair from his face and kissing him softly, soothing his furrowed brow.

She stroked the door frame slowly then turned and headed back to bed, resolute to be cosseted by good memories and ignoring the tugging fear in her heart and then Luke was there again, in her mind and with a grateful sigh, she finally slept.


End file.
